We goin to da ship!

Alright, alright, alright....
We goin to Arizona!!!

Some people have noticed that I had a shitty punt. Especially with the commentary of Joe Buck who said, "A horrible kick by Feagles" during one of my punts. By the way, Joe Buck, you suck. I'd like to see him punt in -4 degree weather. The guy doesn't know the difference between a coffin corner and a...coffin, haha! Anyway, I had an okay game, but it could have been worse, I could have been Lawrence Tynes. Sure he made the game winning kick, but those two previous ones, Jesus Christ. Just for those two misses, I told him he couldn't come into the after party! LOL He must have been sooo embarrassed!! Then he said, "I don't even know you!" and he walked past me. Boy, I got him good.

Tom Brady wasn't on his top game this week, and neither was Jeff Feagles. We're both legends, and I bet that will be one of the top storylines over the next week or so.
Legend vs. Legend, Tom Brady vs. Jeff Feagles, the winner will be able to say, "I AM LEGEND" HAHA! I'm pretty sure it's gonna be me. Anyway, if anybody wants tickets, I'm selling my tickets on eBay. The Giants allocate me 4 tickets for my many mistresses, lol, just kidding, my kids and family get to go. But I'm gonna sell them, we need the money. I'm going to retire, and I don't know, the NFL isn't exactly kind to its players after retirement. Players have to go to extreme odds and ends to make a living after football, look at what happened to Pat Tillman!

The after party was off the hook! Osi and Tuck were chugging Hypnotiq, I said they should grow a pair and drink some scotch on the rocks like me. They couldn't hear me, but I bet if they could, they would have laughed. Those guys think I'm funny.

Anyway, since I have the extra week off, I'm thinking of taking my 3 mistresses to Cabo for the weekend. LOL JUST KIDDING! Tony Romo reference, haha, what a loser he is. Literally. I'll keep you all posted on the whereabouts of me and what's up for the next few weeks.

Peace up, Feags town down.

Live from Green Bay: It's Friday Night!!

Okay, so the title isn't as funny because it's not Saturday, but whatever.

Alright so I'm here in Green Bay and it's freezing cold! I don't know if I could live here year round. I remember once on a Walker: Texas Ranger episode somebody said, "It's not cold, cold is when you spit and it freezes before it hits the ground." Me and Lawrence Tynes tried it in on the tour of downtown Green Bay while all the defensive linemen were singing rap music all along. I think we had the real fun.

So check it out, today at breakfast, I asked for eggs with extra cheese, and when the waitress asked if I like cheese I said to her, get this, "I guess I'm just your regular CHEESEHEAD!" Everybody at the table gave a laugh about it, was hilarious.

So tonight I'm going to send the hotel manager to Eli's room to say, "If you give Jeff Feagles #10 back, we'll air Seinfeld!" LOL! They're not gonna air it though, Eli's gonna feel sooo stupid.

After that though, I'm gonna go check out the night club scene. Then tomorrow Pacman Jones is coming in, it's gonna be sooo fun! If any ladies wanna chill make sure to give me a call at 201-637..oh nevermind, just ask on here ladies.

From Green Bay, I'm Jeff Feagles, ESPN (lol)

LEAVING DALLAS WITH A VICTORY!

Yo!! It's me, J. Feags here. WHAT A GAME?
Did anyone see my punts? I single handedly beat that Dallas team. Without me, the Cowboys would have had great field position the whole game, however, I pinned them deep every time.

Right before my first punt, to score some brownie points, I told Coach Coughlin that I would perfect the, "Coughlin Corner", lol, get it? It sounds like coffin! He laughed and told me to get the hell out of here. He's a funny guy.

Anyway, what a great game that was. I outshined the rest. Everybody talks about Toomer and Eli while my efforts get quietly swept under the rug. Oh well, my wife is calling me, I gotta go to dinner. I'll keep you guys updated about my plans for painting Green Bay red after we win another one!!

Oh, and by the way, how about my picks for those games. FOUR FOR FOUR!! An awesome day at Vegas.

From the Marriot in Irving, Texas

Supp...I write to you from room 7122 of the Marriot in Irving. I'm rooming with Tynes, the kicker (wanna-be punter), He says hey.

Before the games start, since I can't bet on the games, I'd like to tell all of you who to bet on. (And wanted to tell Bill my bookie)

Packers -7.5
Jaguars +13
Chargers +9.5
Giants +7.5

If I were to hypothetically bet on this (this is for you Bill), I would put something like 20 dollars on each of the games.

I gotta go punt some footballs and perfect the coffin corner for tomorrow, NYC DEPENDS ON ME!

Put your picks in the comments section...

From God (Me, Jeff Feagles)

Sup ya'll, J-Feags in da house, no? Just something new I've been trying out, I said it to Plaxico and I think he liked it, got a laugh out of it.

Just so you all know, I had an awesome day of punting yesterday. I still haven't got my #10 back from Eli, which sucks. A couple of years ago I bought everyone at my family reunion a #10 Feagles, Giants Jersey. Understandably, they were upset when I changed my number. I had to tell my 9 year old niece Jenny that I was no longer number 10. She was so shocked she didn't even react, but I told her to hold on a few more years and I'll get number 10 back. I plan on keeping that promise, we'll see. You guys think Eli will be around for a while? I hope not. Also, you think he deserves to be around the next few years? Yeah, me neither.


Anyway next week I'm punting against Mat McBriar. How can anyone root for this guy? He wasn't even born in America!!! This is the land of the free, home of the brave! He's from the land of the bloomin' onion, home of the kangaroo, lmao.

I'm Jeff Feagles, the king of the coffin corner. He's Mat McBriar, the queen of Australian Rules football which, as far as I know, doesn't exist in the land of the free. The guy doesn't even average a 50 yard punt, idiot. The only reason mine doesn't show 50+ yards on the stats is because I punt it so quickly the statisticians just think it's another Eli pick-6. (It's what the kids have been saying)

I've seen him punt, yeah, I'm not impressed. For some reason he's also the highest paid punter in the league, I've got a chant for you Giant fans traveling to Dallas. Whenever McBriar is about to punt, you guys need to chant, "OVERPAID AND OVERRATED!"
The chant is broken up like this, "O-VER-PAID-AND-O-VER-RATED", then you just repeat it over and over. And when I punt, you guys can just be silent so I can focus on what I'm doing.

Coach Coughlin is calling me, I gotta go punt..
peace up, e-rutherford down,
Jeff "Ironman" Feagles

if anyone has any comments, concerns, etc. either comment below or shoot me an email here

Feagles Facts (Thanks to Max Lefkowitz)

Jeff Feagles uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

Jeff Feagles' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

When Jeff Feagles has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Jeff Feagles can kill him and take it.

Jeff Feagles once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Jeff Feagles doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If you ask Jeff Feagles what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Jeff Feagles only masturbates to pictures of Jeff Feagles.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Jeff Feagles instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Jeff Feagles appeared in the "Madden 08" video game, but was removed by EA because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Feagles replied, "That's no glitch."

Jeff Feagles lost his virginity before his dad did.

Since 1966, the year Jeff Feagles was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Jeff Feagles sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled punting ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Jeff roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Jeff Feagles does not sleep. He waits.

Jeff Feagles is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Jeff Feagles

Jeff Feagles was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Jeff omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.


There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Jeff Feagles.

Jeff Feagles does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

Jeff Feagles once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Jeff roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.

The fact above is false because Jeff Feagles's kicks never go flat, the balls' are to scared to miss.

Jeff Feagles recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Gatorade.

A duck's quack does not echo. Jeff Feagles is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly.

Jeff Feagles once tried to defeat Garry Kasparov in a game of chess. When Feagles lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Kasparov in the side of the face.

The fact above is false, Jeff Feagles has never lost anything in his life.

Jeff Feagles' punt is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

Jeff Feagles doesn't believe in Germany.

Jeff Feagles is is Luke Skywalker's real father.

Jeff Feagles does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.

Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Jeff Feagles punted a ball at every tree in existence.

In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation, Jeff can be seen powering the USS Enterprise warp drive with his punting ability and brute good looks.

Jeff Feagles invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Jeff Feagles is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

Jeff Feagles invented water.

If you have any stories about Jeff Feagles, email them here.

Peace.

See what happens when I forget my child support..

That bitch...who does she think she is to bad mouth me?