Feagles Facts (Thanks to Max Lefkowitz)

Jeff Feagles uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

Jeff Feagles' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

When Jeff Feagles has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Jeff Feagles can kill him and take it.

Jeff Feagles once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Jeff Feagles doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If you ask Jeff Feagles what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Jeff Feagles only masturbates to pictures of Jeff Feagles.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Jeff Feagles instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Jeff Feagles appeared in the "Madden 08" video game, but was removed by EA because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Feagles replied, "That's no glitch."

Jeff Feagles lost his virginity before his dad did.

Since 1966, the year Jeff Feagles was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Jeff Feagles sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled punting ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Jeff roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Jeff Feagles does not sleep. He waits.

Jeff Feagles is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Jeff Feagles

Jeff Feagles was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Jeff omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.


There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Jeff Feagles.

Jeff Feagles does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

Jeff Feagles once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Jeff roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.

The fact above is false because Jeff Feagles's kicks never go flat, the balls' are to scared to miss.

Jeff Feagles recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Gatorade.

A duck's quack does not echo. Jeff Feagles is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly.

Jeff Feagles once tried to defeat Garry Kasparov in a game of chess. When Feagles lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Kasparov in the side of the face.

The fact above is false, Jeff Feagles has never lost anything in his life.

Jeff Feagles' punt is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

Jeff Feagles doesn't believe in Germany.

Jeff Feagles is is Luke Skywalker's real father.

Jeff Feagles does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.

Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Jeff Feagles punted a ball at every tree in existence.

In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation, Jeff can be seen powering the USS Enterprise warp drive with his punting ability and brute good looks.

Jeff Feagles invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Jeff Feagles is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

Jeff Feagles invented water.

If you have any stories about Jeff Feagles, email them here.

Peace.